Joan Adams - One of the strongest women Thirroul has ever known. A Eulogy 13.11.2012.

From the EULOGY for JOAN LOIS ADAMS on behalf of her children – Kerrie, Julie & Daryl - read by David Christian

Joan loved life – a real people person. Family was very important to Joan and she was a real caring and practical Mum and Nan to all of them.

 Joan was born Joan Lois Callcott at Hornsby on 16^th October 1932 – although she lived nearly her entire life in Thirroul, where many of her family lived. She was the second eldest child of Mary Constance Callcott (nee Joy) and, like her mother, and grandmother, Edith Florence Joy (Hicks), she was a battler, or a tough little bantam hen, as her husband Ross described her.

Ross and Joan Adams on their wedding day in 1953

Joan shared 1932 as her birth year with the completion of the Sydney Harbour Bridge – in fact she “walked” the opening of the Bridge in her mother’s womb. Little wonder that Joan would go on to walk the bridge herself in 1992, do a Harbour Bridge Climb, walk the Sydney Harbour Tunnel and the Great Wall of China, fly over Uluru Ayers Rock, and then fly in a hot air balloon to celebrate her 60^th birthday.

Life in the 1930’s was tough for many Australian children with the Depression and then the start of World War 2.  During that time, Joan’s mother was bringing up her 5 children, mostly singlehandedly, with help from her own mother, Edith Florence Joy.  Joan attended Thirroul Public School, which was opened by her great grandfather, then North Illawarra Council Alderman Henry Thomas Hicks in 1889. As a member of the Hicks Family, one of the oldest Illawarra European families, Joan took pride in learning of her family in the Northern Illawarra which dated from 1842 – 170 years. There was also Scots heritage from the Isle of Skye too - Great Grandmother, MaryAnn Hicks, was a Mackenzie.   

Joan is in photograph below - in  the front row at far right in white dress 

Years later, Joan, and Kerrie’s husband, David, would share the latest family tree finds – gradually building up a huge amount of information and stories – Joan discovered she was descended from the First Fleet “Small” Family. Sadly, one of the biggest pieces, missing for years from our Family Tree, would only emerge in the days after her death.

Joan went onto the Domestic Home Science School for girls, and the building is still located at Wollongong Public School in Smith St Wollongong. Later her daughter Kerrie attended classes in the same building. Granddaughter Katrina did school holiday programs there too. Joan was a very good swimmer and represented her school at carnivals in Sydney. 

Joan worked as a Shorthand Typist at the CRM works in the 1950’s – it became part of BHP and then BlueScope Steel. She was the first of our family to work in the steel industry. Subsequently her husband Ross, daughter Kerrie and sons-in-law David and Laurie would work in the Steel Industry, spanning a period of nearly 60 years till 2011.

Ross Adams came into Joan’s life when they met at a dance.  Ross had been at Kokoda in the 2/16^th Battalion of the 2^nd AIF during World War 2. He came  down from Queensland, to visit his two aunts Mabel Tuckerman and Ivy Richardson, before heading off to Perth to catch up with his army mates. However he met Joan, and they married at St Augustine’s Bulli on December 19 1953. Joan found herself in the large Adams Family, many of whom lived in the Boggabilla – Goondiwindi area up north. In 1954 she and Ross got a War Service loan and so they moved into their own home in Redman Avenue Thirroul, where Joan lived for the rest of her life.  In early 1955, daughter Kerrie arrived, and Julie in early 1956. 

With two very young daughters, and still in her twenties, Joan was for a time also caring for her invalid mother and grandmother. Both had passed away before Daryl arrived in late 1962. Her aunt, Marjorie Joy, had by then become a mother figure for Joan, just as Marjorie’s late husband, Ken, had been Joan’s father figure, before his untimely death.

Joan was a great cook. She experimented with dishes beyond traditional Australian food. Her cakes, slices, desserts and Christmas Pudding with silver coins were legendary. She was also very good at sewing and knitting, stretching the family finances by making all her children’s school clothes. Kerrie and Julie were dressed identically, and seemed to many to be more like twins. Joan was fairly strict with them, and then along came Daryl, who was a “real” boy – escaping through holes in the back fence and coming home with muddy clothes.  

Joan loved reading, doing cross word puzzles and jigsaw puzzles – the 3D Titanic puzzle done in the days before her final hospital stay was the most challenging of all she said. Joan also did a lot of photography – she had saved up when she first started working to buy her precious Kodak Box Brownie camera. Joan was also involved in the School Mothers’ Club and local Tennis Club from the 1960’s – becoming an active office bearer in each of these.

In adulthood, life remained challenging for Joan, as husband Ross experienced what we now know as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after his time at Kokoda – often she had to be both mother and father to her 3 kids.  However she always encouraged them to do the best they could, with the talents they had, and the opportunities that came their way. Kerrie was good at school work especially Science & Maths, Julie was good at Art and Daryl was good with his Hands – and so they moved into these areas with their Post High School education & careers.  Joan was also a confidential sounding board for Kerrie in her 12 years representing the Northern Illawarra, as an Alderman on Wollongong City Council.

Kerrie and Julie had left home to pursue their studies in the early 1970’s leaving Daryl as the only child still living at home.  Ross had continued to experience post combat trauma and eventually moved away under the pressures, leaving Joan and Daryl, although he periodically returned at Christmas time.

 Life continued to be tough for Joan and Daryl – and around this time Daryl took up pigeon racing with Joan’s support. We knew never to ring home on a Saturday because it was pigeon race day.  

In 1976 Ross suffered a severe debilitating stroke and Joan brought him home. She nursed and cared for him until his death in early 1990. Anna Barnett came into their lives in the 1980’s to form the Northern Illawarra Stroke Recovery Support club – predictably, Joan again became an active office bearer, until her own ill health in mid 2005. Courageously Joan had taken Ross on a 23 day camping safari to the Red Centre and Darwin in mid 1986 – with Ross using a walking frame.  It was written up in newspaper and magazine articles. In 2010, Joan was honoured with Life Membership of Stroke Recovery Association.

Over the 1980’s and 1990’s Joan became the proud & loving Nan to Erin, Gavin, Clare and Katrina. 

After Ross’s death in 1990, Joan’s aunt, Marjorie Joy, introduced her to War Widows and Laurel Club. Her aunt had been supported by Legacy for many years following the early death of her own husband. Predictably Joan became an active Office Bearer in War Widows and Woonona Bulli RSL’s Laurel Club. 

After Ross’s death, Joan was rarely home, as she was now free to socialize, see live shows  in Sydney and Arcadians, to travel –in NSW, Victoria and South Australia. In 2005, son-in-law David persuaded her to join him, Kerrie, and Katrina on a trip to China. Joan walked on the Great Wall of China and saw the Entombed Warriors.

 Several months later, she became seriously ill, but by a series of miracles survived, when many would not. In the 1930’s, a Jewish Doctor Huber, under threat of Buchenwald, was amazingly let go by the Nazi’s in Berlin, and so he came to Australia with his family. In 2005, nearly 70 years later, his grandson, Doctor David Huber, performed cutting edge vascular surgery on Joan in Wollongong Hospital. This surgery was not approved in many American states then. We will remain forever grateful to Dr Huber, as his skill gave us a precious bonus 7 ½ years with Joan. She saw all her grandchildren grow to adulthood,  to cross the Nullarbor on the Indian Pacific with Kerrie in 2011, and to finally complete the sentimental journey to Perth for her husband, Ross – visiting the Kokoda Memorial to Ross’s 2/16^th Battalion of the 2^nd AIF, which has pride of place in Kings Park, the main Botanic Gardens in Perth.

Joan’s adult grandchildren Erin and Gavin travelled extensively overseas, and at our weekly Sunday night family dinners, Joan loved to look at the photos of their travels on Facebook, and also photos of Clare’s latest adventures.

Joan would bring over home-cooked steamed puddings plus cakes and slices – she was always looking for new recipes to try out. David and Joan shared a love of sport and would chat on about the tennis, rugby league and cricket. And when they came down from Newcastle, Julie’s husband, Laurie, would set up Skype on his computer so that Joan could see and talk to Erin and Gavin overseas.Erin’s highly secret and surprise return home from the UK for Christmas 2011 truly stunned Joan.

Joan had hoped to celebrate her 80^th birthday with her children, grandchildren, brothers Ian and Joe, sister Joy, cousins Margaret and Kath, their families, and her friends, at a picnic last month. However over the last year, various health issues emerged, and Joan was happy to just make her 80^th birthday, which neither her mother, nor grandmother, had achieved.  We had a surprise 80^th morning tea with close family in the hospital. Joan’s famous wide mouthed surprise and smile were there as usual. 

We could never ever thank Joan enough for all that she did for our family. Joan was a very special lady, a real people person who loved life, with a great sense of humour and fun, a battling, tough little pocket rocket, a great friend, always ready to help others. She was greatly loved and respected by her extended family and many friends. So we thank you for sharing this celebration of Joan’s life with us today.